“What gets us into trouble is not what we don’t know. It’s what we know for sure that just ain’t so.” –Mark Twain

“What we know matters, but who we are matters more.” –Brené Brown

Young men (and women) are being assaulted by today’s world of Artificial Intelligence and algorithms that manipulate the user and take them down dangerous rabbit holes.

Take the recent trend of kids as young as twelve “Subway Surfing” in New York. Multiple young people have died as this “TikTok Trend” has taken hold. This, and another that involves kids riding on upside down folding tables dragged behind a vehicle, has led to the deaths of numerous young people.

The explanations as to “why” these kids take on these dangerous activities are as absurd as the activities themselves.

This is not a “mental health” issue, this is youth “initiation.” The young men and women have not had elders mentor them and initiate them into their full potential. As a result, they take on risky initiation rituals amongst themselves.

Young men are being seduced by these algorithms that take them down very dark and destructive places. A mild curiosity can easily turn into algorithms serving up “Manosphere” content which is typically filled with violent language, misogyny, PUAs and promises of get rich quick schemes in things like crypto and meme coins.

The “Manosphere” should more appropriately be labeled as the “Boyosphere.” These are undeveloped, uninitiated ‘older’ males who profit in sleaze and destructive social norms…particularly regarding females. The misogyny is off the charts. The PUAs (pick up ‘artists’) prey on disaffected young men and bombard them with poisonous content that often leads to violence.

Share TruthTosterone

Young Men’s Initiation

“In the end, the only metric that truly matters is character.” –General Stanley McChrystal

This is why initiation for young men is so critical in our modern world. For centuries, the older men would separate the boys from their mothers and take them into the wilderness for initiation rituals. In the rituals, the young men would learn what it takes to be a man of character.

This involves introducing a young man to his heart, his empathy and his emotional intelligence (EQ). When a young man learns to listen to his inner voice, he begins a pathway toward defining his life.

Subscribe now

As General Stanley McChrystal says in, On Character: Choices That Define a Life: “Some endeavors warrant obsessive focus.”

McChrystal’s book outlines how “Who we are” “…is found in our character—the most accurate, and last full measure, of who we choose to be.”

Young men must be introduced to this reality through male initiation. If the elders do not step in to steward these young men, they will find their own paths through danger and/or seductive internet rabbit holes.

The World of AI Slop

“New survey data finds that nearly one in five high schoolers say they or someone they know has had a romantic relationship with artificial intelligence. And 42% of students surveyed say they or someone they know have used AI for companionship.” --Cameron Kasky: FYPod

This epidemic of AI slop and rage bait algorithms is damaging our young people. The Covid crisis created fertile ground for machines to manipulate young minds and drag them deep into fever swamps.

This has allowed the big tech purveyors to prey on impressionable minds and mold the younger generation to fit neatly into their destructive algorithmic pattern recognition which feeds increased slop and B.S. into the kids’ eyeballs and brains.

The goal of these social media algorithms is to continuously trigger the brain’s amygdala. When the amygdala is hijacked, it shuts down our ability to use reason and logic and to move from emotional clarity.

Share

This is why initiation is so critical to the development of young men of character. We can build emotionally intelligent young men who recognize when they are being used by tech to operate in ways that do not align with their true values.

“Such as are your habitual thoughts, such also will be the character of your mind; for the soul is dyed by the thoughts.” --Marcus Aurelius

McChrystal says this requires ‘obsessive focus.’ The self examination of learning what feelings in the human body signal the choices we make toward deepening our character. If my muscles are tightening and my body temperature is rising, it is time to ‘check in’ and ask, “What’s really going on?”

Leave a comment

This takes focus, it takes “work.” Initiation introduces young men to the processing of feelings and the clarity of reason and logic found in the cerebral cortex. This is the birth of the leader and the majestic path for a young man. It is up to the elders to assure these young men find their path toward their own command through emotional clarity.

“If the young are not initiated into the tribe they will burn down the village just to feel its warmth.” ― African Proverb

“Run from what’s comfortable. Forget safety. Live where you fear to live. Destroy your reputation. Be notorious. I have tried prudent planning long enough. From now on I’ll be mad.” –Rumi

Rumi talks about an energy that is familiar to a young man. Some of our masculinity is learned and some of it is hard-wired.

When the sign in front of the curve says 30MPH, we lean in and take it at 45MPH. This is an innate masculine trait, and it sometimes leads us to trouble.

As a young man matures, he needs mentorship that stewards that “mad” energy and helps the boy develop into his full humanness. A Sufi dance is a movement that opens them to a place of presence and intention.

Rumi doesn’t ask us to be imprudent in our outer life. He is asking us to let go of the formality of societal chains and be “mad” enough to explore the ocean of the self.

Masculine initiation introduces this heightened emotional intelligence.

Share TruthTosterone

In a world that increasingly asks young men to be more brutal, more dominant, more powerful and more controlling…a boy who is discovering his power needs to ask the question, “What is the end game here?”

Brute force does not solve problems. It might help if the goal is to loosen a bolt, but if a man is managing others in a group as a leader, it will end in disaster.

The end game is to learn what our bodies are telling us. The deeper the young man goes in terms of his own discovery is commensurate with how well he emerges as a leader in his culture and his society.

For men, living in our heads is the “comfort” of which Rumi speaks. When he encourages us to “Be notorious,” he is asking us to take that long journey from our heads to our hearts and to become clear about our emotional life. The journey ‘from comfort’ can at times be quite scary.

Subscribe now

He is asking us to follow the words of Epictetus, when he says, "Know, first, who you are, and then adorn yourself accordingly." Or, as Zeno says, “Man conquers the world by conquering himself.”

It takes a conscious young man to eschew the onslaught of information coming at him daily that begs for him to show outer strength, power and to dominate others. This is a false view of masculinity, and it creates sociopathic thinking.

True leadership comes from a deep understanding of the inner plane of the self. This is the world in which Rumi wants us to go mad. In this, he tells us, “Don’t wait any longer. Dive in the ocean. Leave and let the sea be you.” He asks us to be empaths.

Share

When a man takes this path, into his true power, he develops strong character and has ability to lead others. Fr. Richard Rohr wrote about this recently saying, “Only very gradually does human consciousness come to a selfless use of power, the sharing of power, or even a benevolent use of power—in church, politics, or families.”

The selfless use of power comes from the man who has developed empathy and the ability to recognize and respect the feelings in his body. Mad, sad, glad, afraid…numb. Process these in real time to clarify what Spirit is asking.

From this place of self-knowledge, he acts from selfless power. He acts from his center, from his King. He is a true leader.

King energy is from where all other energies flow. This allows the young man to remain at his center and remain immovable to outer and superficial events. He brings order to chaos. He becomes Alpha.

Leave a comment

The Alpha King is in command of his inner world, He has EQ. He is Closer to the Heart.

In today’s world of “Social Media,” we have a Wild West of information that can bombard our senses, if we allow it, and the online culture has become one of increasing toxicity and disinformation.

Young men today are easily seduced by immature, uninitiated males who themselves are middle schoolers in men’s bodies that promise wealth and sex if you just follow their “advice.”

It is a safe bet that these ‘grown’ men lack the depth and emotional clarity required to be generative men in the culture because they were never shown what it means to be men of integrity and character. Most likely they were never honored or praised…thus they do not know how to offer this to the next generation of young men.

All of us with outdoor plumbing need to be told, repeatedly, that we are “Good Boys.”

Share TruthTosterone

The modern myth of the “Alpha Male” grips the culture and the “Sigmas” and the “Betas” are seen as commencing the fall of civilization as we know it.

Studies show that the “Praise to Criticism Ratio” needs to be quite high for people to feel valued, heard, seen and loved. Five positive comments for every criticism, because criticism goes a long way.

When was the last time you read through comments sections on social media? Are they filled with a ratio of five positive comments for each critical one? No. They are not.

Keyboard warriors bring out the ugliest side of our humanity in destructive ways. These ways are taught…they are learned through watching the behavior of one another and it seems to be compounding year upon year.

Imagine if every time you wanted to post a comment, the app you were using has a pop up that says, “Does your comment meet Rumi’s three gates criteria?” Those are:

• At the first gate, ask yourself, “Is it true?”

• At the second gate ask, “Is it necessary?”

• At the third gate ask, “Is it kind?”

In her book, “The Power of the Spoken Word,” the author Florence Scovel Shinn tells us, “You are now a master workman and your tools are your words. Be sure you are building constructively, according to the Divine Plan.”

Who’s the Alpha Now?

Nature tells us that our nearest relatives often have no actual hierarchy for which male becomes the Alpha. Oftentimes, it happens by accident or tragedy…as in the death of an existing Alpha. Suddenly, another male is thrust into the position of authority. He is not there by blood or previous position, but rather by circumstance.

“There are a range of animal behaviors out there, and just because humans choose to identify with some more than others doesn’t mean we have to. When it comes to chimpanzees, for example — one of {our} closest living relatives — their social structure is one of the most aggressive and political out there…” –Discover Magazine

In most cases, the “Alpha” male is the one who has the coolest head, who is the most strategic, who understands processes and can coordinate the others in the group to act in the best interests of the group for survival.

Subscribe now

There is, what Jack Kornfield calls, a “nobility,” or a “dignity.” He emphasizes this with a story of Nelson Mandela who, after becoming the head of the country where he spent 27 years in prison, he was eating one day, and another man sat down beside him with his tray of food with his body shaking the entire time before getting up and hiding his face as he touched Mandela’s arm. One of Mandela’s staff said, “Madiba, that the man must be sick.” But Mandela told his assistant that the man was a guard at the prison, and that when Mandela would cry out for water when thirsty, that man would come to him and mock him and urinate on his head. The man was simply in fear that Mandela might take retribution on him.

Because Mandela was the essence of nobility and embodied the energy of an Alpha male, he did not respond with retribution…but with kindness and love.

“And from that place, not only can we see and hold the fear and grief in a compassionate heart, but also, we have the space to act in an entirely different way, to not get caught up in the reactions and the anger and all the kinds of scenarios that we are afraid of.

And instead, the nobility of heart, which is who you are, the dignity, the original dignity which Nelson Mandela carried, that can shine and be hacked from that.” –Jack Kornfield

The King in All His Glory

If we want our young men to be kings, then we must teach them how to be dignified and noble. We must help them understand that their words are a Magic Wand, not just in how they interact with others, but most importantly in how they communicate with themselves.

An immature king is the tyrant, the weakling. Pounding steroids and building muscle does not make a strong or good king. An immature king is one who was not praised; he was not told he was a good boy.

The king in his fullness, in his glory, understands that he is not the center of the universe. He is called upon to use his power to encourage others to live their lives to their fullest potential. He blesses and empowers his ‘subjects.’

When a young man is stewarded toward his kingship through praise and recognition, he begins to understand the immense power that his masculinity offers. This is the “integrity” of which Jack Kornfield speaks.

“The word integrity is related to the roots of words like “integrate” and “entire.” In Spanish it is rendered “integro,” meaning whole. Integrity thus implies the state of being complete, undivided, intact, and unbroken. Integrity is really the bond that holds a man’s other virtues together; it is the mark of a man who has successfully integrated all good principles. His life is a unified whole.” –Art of Manliness

The young man who was never praised is “broken.” He has been robbed of his birthright by a man, or men, who are simply passing on a legacy of brokenness and hard-heartedness.

Leave a comment

A “good” king will take pure delight in lifting up his subjects to “Where We Belong.”

Let’s get there together…knowing that “The road is long, there are mountains in our way.”

In the next of our guest segments, Ashanti Branch of the Ever Forward Club joins Doug and Joe for a discussion about the need for The Work inside of schools and the educational system. We discuss the history of Ashanti's Club, the Million Mask Movement and encouraging today's youth to reaching their full human potential.

CONTENTS

00:16 A clip from Ashanti’s TedX Talk in Marin.

01:04 Introduction and discussion about how the Ever Forward Club came into being.

04:55 Discussing success and the constraints of the Not-for-Profit Industrial Complex

08:47 Doug asks Ashanti about his seeing his future after a traumatic personal event.

15:00 Part II: The Million Mask Movement and Unmasking the Truth.

18:38 Joe discusses a mask exercise in an environment of "Emotional Unintelligence."

24:59 Modeling "The Mask" and emotional safety.

26:33 Joe & Ashanti reminisce on their friendship.

27:40 Ashanti introduces his new book: The Diary of a Confused Educator.

29:12 The Adventure Cards

29:40 Closing comments and links

Ever Forward Club:

https://everforwardclub.org/

Million Mask Movement: https://everforwardclub.org/millionmaskmovement

The Diary of a Confused Educator: https://shop-ever-forward.myshopify.com/products/diary-of-a-confused-educator-part-1

Adventure Cards: https://shop-ever-forward.myshopify.com/products/the-adventure

Substack: https://truthtosterone.com/

Email: truthtosterone@gmail.com

YouTube: / @truthtosterone

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/truthtosterone/

Spotify: https://bit.ly/TruthTosterone

#boysinitiation #masculinity #ritesofpassage #maleinitiation #mentoring #mentoringyouth #youngmenmentoring #boystomen

In an upcoming podcast we recorded with Ashanti Branch of the Ever Forward Club, we discuss his Million Mask Movement and how it came into being.

On a Boys to Men initiation weekend, the boys are introduced to masks by the older men and the Journeymen who are returning to staff the weekend in a process we call Unmasking the Truth. The key to making Unmasking the Truth work is to NOT focus on the data, but instead focus on the underlying emotions “behind” the data.

The data is what I refer to as “Traffic and Weather on the Ones.” It is the mindfuck, and it is imperative that we stay OUT of the head, the cerebral…the intellect.

1. My parents got divorced.

2. My dad comes home drunk.

This is the data. In case one, maybe my mask is the protector, the serious person. In case two, my mask might be that I am the joker…a clown.

Beneath these masks is the crux of the issues, the “feelings” that come from the experience.

1. I feel/felt sad.

2. I feel afraid.

And, in both cases, most times; “I feel alone.”

Share TruthTosterone

Hiding behind the masks is where safety exists. However, this is not where the reality of our hearts and souls reside. We need to create a safe space by modeling the words; “I feel afraid,” to give the young man the permission to click in and say, “Yeah, me too. I feel that.”

The “Little Man” in your head is in charge when the mask is on. For this, I want to revisit “The Book: THE FOLSOM PRISON DAYBOOK OF GRIEF, DESPAIR, HOPE & ART” This piece comes from an author who is listed as, Unknown:

Untitled Number Two
I have this little man in my head
hiding somewhere in the darkness
where I'm afraid to look;
a little green flicker
or maybe blue; who knows?
I think green, the color of jealousy, envy.
He is jealous of
what I am capable of and envies me
for trying to be better than I am.
I don't know how the fuck he got there
and is good at making his thoughts seem like my own,
constantly fucking with my head,
telling me I'm no good or not good enough;
people will laugh at me if I do my way.
I'm safer listening.
He's there, alright.
He's whispering in my ear right now:
I'm not a poet and never will be.
I can't even write a fucking letter.
Yes, he's good.
But he's scared.
That's why he hides in the darkest corners of my mind
where I haven't looked in a long, long time.
But I'm starting to peek into those corners now,
scared as I am of the creviced darkness;
I can't wait to catch that little fucker
and shut him up for good.
~ Unknown ~

The author recognizes that the person wearing the mask envies the person behind the mask.

Subscribe now

The goal is to help the young man to see the authentic man behind the mask and nurture his brilliance and advocate for him to become the man he wants to be.

Share

If the elders do not step in and do this, the boys will burn down the village.

“In many tribal cultures, it was said that if the boys were not initiated into manhood, if they were not shaped by the skills and love of elders, then they would destroy the culture. If the fires that innately burn inside youths are not intentionally and lovingly added to the hearth of community, they will burn down the structures of culture, just to feel the warmth.” --Michael Meade

"It is hard," said the old Sioux Black Elk to his friend, the poet John G. Neihardt, "to follow one great vision in this world of darkness and of many changing shadows. Among these shadows men get lost." –Joseph Campbell: Flight of the Wild Gander

The lack of formal initiation in young men’s lives has left our young men floundering in either a state of “failure to launch” or seeking out experiences that have them taking on unhealthy initiations that temporarily give them the feeling of the “rapture of being alive.”

This has led to a sad situation as we see daily, from the top to the bottom, men who act as if they are still in middle school and it has created a dangerous society.

Social media, and culture in general, has opened a world of avatars. Our “online personalities” typically represent people who are happy, healthy and strong…having fun on a weekend or a trip, going to see a concert. Etc., etc. Culturally, many boys grow up thinking that they are simply inadequate. Contrast this lack of elder mentorship and initiation to how girls lived most of their lives for a couple centuries as they were told “girls aren’t good at math” and other ridiculous tropes designed to keep females in their place.

Boys in Men’s Bodies

For young men to break free of the avatars (shadows), they require a healthy place to learn about their hearts and gain emotional clarity that allows them to blossom into healthy men. Because; “Among these shadows men get lost.”

Share TruthTosterone

In a recent interview with Dr. Arne Rubinstein, we discussed the crisis in the modern male culture of “boys living inside of men’s bodies.”

“We have children acting like babies, teenagers acting like children, young men acting like teenagers, elders still trying to pretend like they’re young men and holding down the young so that they can still feel powerful…the whole thing’s not working.” –Dr. Arne Rubinstein

He is right, it is NOT working. Look around the world today. We are surrounded by deeply childish men. Discourse takes place at the level of a twelve year old. Again, this is not isolated to just the top of society…it runs through the culture and is conspicuous in the world of online talking heads.

These are shadow experts. PUA channels, easy money channels and misogynist channels overpopulate the internet. Young men need to be introduced to the knowledge of the “many changing shadows” that help to create a false belief system (an avatar) and to step into their own hero of mature masculinity.

Subscribe now

“The shadow is especially effective if it mirrors the hero in some way. It shows the audience the twisted person the hero could become if they head down the wrong path, and highlights the hero’s internal struggle. This, in turn, makes the hero’s success more meaningful.” -- The Eight Character Archetypes of the Hero’s Journey

The Avatar of Lies

There is nothing more disempowering than believing in false avatars. Some of these avatars are burned into the boy’s brain from an early age and usually starts with the word “father.” “You are stupid.” “There is something wrong with you.” “You will never make anything of yourself.” All lies…and the lies create a disastrous avatar of the true human.

The lies provide a breeding ground for the menu of immature masculine to perpetuate itself on social media. If a young man believes he cannot make anything of himself, he is ripe for the “in your face” clickbait until he is welcomed into a group of men who help him navigate the emotional landscape of his heart and soul.

When he is given a safe place to be truly heard, among men who celebrate his authenticity, this young man accesses his power. He will become a leader. He will create a healthier world as he moves from a genuine understanding of his potential.

Share

As elders, it is our responsibility to shepherd these young men and help bring them into a world of healthy mature masculinity.

This requires EQ, emotional intelligence. For men, this also mandates what Robert Bly calls The Wild Man or “Zeus Energy,” as described in his book “Iron John.”

“…according to Bly, the Wild Man isn’t some macho dude or savage man who takes pleasure in violence. The Wild Man is filled with masculine strength or what Bly calls Zeus Energy. The Ancient Greeks called this energy thumos or spiritedness.” -- Dance Like Zorba the Greek: Getting in Touch with Your Wild Man

Rites of passage provide a health pathway from shadow to light.

Leave a comment

“People say that what we’re all seeking is a meaning for life. I don’t think that’s what we’re really seeking. I think that what we’re seeking is an experience of being alive, so that our life experiences on the purely physical plane will have resonances with our own innermost being and reality, so that we actually feel the rapture of being alive.” ― Joseph Campbell, The Power of Myth

"Counter-programming for young men wanting to make a positive impact with their lives, become leaders and create a better society.”

In the first of our guest segments, Dr. Arne Rubinstein of the Rites of Passage Institute joins Doug and Joe for a discussion about the need for initiation for both boys and men. We discuss the history of Arne's Institute and the process on initiating men and boys.

Substack: https://truthtosterone.com/

Email: truthtosterone@gmail.com

YouTube: / @truthtosterone

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/truthtosterone/

Spotify: https://bit.ly/TruthTosterone

CONTENTS

• 00:01 Background on Rites of Passage Institute.

• 05:30 Joe talks about the Adolescent Warrior.

• 07:06 What does the process of intiation look like?

• 08:54 The four critical elements of intiation.

• 10:46 Integration process into the community.

• 16:42 Three key things a young man needs to thrive.

• 17:36 The "staircase" of life stages.

• 21:26 Cycles: Going up a staircase and the spiral downward/Grief.

• 24:27 The elder men's participation in the process.

#boysinitiation #masculinity #ritesofpassage #maleinitiation #mentoring #mentoringyouth #youngmenmentoring #boystomen

“We're talking about what you felt. Feelings are not right or wrong. They are just feelings.”
― James R. Doty, Into the Magic Shop: A Neurosurgeon's Quest to Discover the Mysteries of the Brain and the Secrets of the Heart

When I first began “Men’s Work,” i.e., ‘initiation,’ there was a man I respected who used to say, “The greatest distance a man can travel is from here to here,” while he first pointed to his head and then to his heart.

This was my initiation into EQ, emotional intelligence. It was only months after my father had passed away, I was five years sober and only beginning to learn about my emotional life. Up to that point I was, what I later referred to as ECWM, an Emotionally Constipated White Male.

Recently, a close friend of mine recommended reading James Doty’s, “Into the Magic Shop.” I finished the book in less than three days. The book is fascinating in its scope and story. It does have a bit of “The Secret” vibe, but I pushed past that logic and focused more on the mind/heart connection.

At one point, the neurosurgeon author makes a statement that basically says the heart has more neurological information it is processing than the human brain. Assuming this is data, it clarifies so much of current human existence.

Share TruthTosterone

Technology is designed to cut us off from our hearts and keep us up in our heads where we do not feel emotions. For men, the head is our “safe place.” When I am in my head, it is comfy. I do not have to feel sad, mad, glad or afraid. Intellectually analyzing the world keeps us safe and out of our hearts and feelings.

“Feelings are not right or wrong. They are just feelings.” ― James R. Doty

For young men, there is nothing more critical than learning and achieving EQ. An emotionally literate young man is on the pathway to building a stronger society. This is why rites of passage are so critical for today’s youth. Helping them to see beyond the cold cereal of TikTok videos and ten second sound bites and into the hot breakfast of the heart.

When a young man learns how to access his heart, he opens himself up to a world of empathy and compassion. His humanity is engaged, and he enriches those around him with his emotional literacy.

Subscribe now

He becomes a Samaritan. Our world is filled with priests and Levites who walk casually past the man beaten in the street. Their hearts are not open. The young man with EQ sees the trauma and steps in to help heal the situation. He uses his heart first, and as a result his mind is filled with infinite possibilities for which to bring about change.

He doesn’t stop on the street and pull out his phone and ask ChatGPT, “There is a man in the street who is beaten, what should I do?” He knows intuitively how to respond because he has emotional intelligence over artificial intelligence.

“When our hearts are wounded that's when they open. We grow through pain. We grow through difficult situations. That's why you have to embrace each and every difficult thing in your life.” ― James R. Doty

Rites of passage are “Work.” When a young man shows up on a Rites of Passage Weekend, he eventually learns that he is going to have to work. He is given a snapshot of his life as it currently stands and then asked what the roadblocks are that keep him from being the man he wants to be. To be that man, he will need to put in some work…and some of it may be painful.

I have always said that we are not counselors, we do not fix anything. Men like to fix stuff. We are hard wired to fix things. But when a man or a young man is facing fear or grief, we cannot put on our floppy fireman’s hat and rescue him. A gifted elder will help tether that young man slowly into the fear or grief and hold close to him as he descends.

Leave a comment

My belief is that we are “editors.” Together, with the young man, we find the chapter of his story that is painful, that is blocking him, that is keeping him from being emotionally authentic. Then, little by little, we help write a new sentence or two to that paragraph and this allows the young man to view his life differently…from his heart. He has a “new chapter.”

These young men grow into powerful leaders, men of integrity and trust. And they understand kindness because they have learned how to access their hearts.

“My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.” 14^th Dalai Lama

Untitled

For a few brief moments
I touched the sacred.
With laughing tears
I felt released.
All my life I've misinterpreted
the language of emotions
and proud I was of my
foolish misunderstandings
while aggressively defending
my stupidity. I thoughtlessly
crushed all else but my own.
I move a little more carefully now
and I want to touch
the sacred again.
Maybe a little longer next time?
~ Healing Wolf: The Folsom Prison Daybook of Grief, Despair, Hope & Art

I was watching clips of local news stations interviewing people who were hit by the historic record tornados over the past weekend. In one of the clips, the reporter was talking with a man whose entire life was destroyed, his home, his community, everything shredded in 130+ mph winds. The man began to feel emotional and immediately he covered his face and said, “I’m sorry.”

How many times as men have we seen this or done this ourselves? Why do we feel a need to apologize for the fact that we are experiencing human emotions? From the time we are thigh high, men are taught to shield your breast, gird your loins, take the blow. Don’t wince, don’t cry, show ZERO emotion.

In my lifetime, the moments where these instances stand out the most are with politicians. Most recently, the Canadian Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau, was stepping down from his role as a leader and he showed some emotion, tearing up a bit. The next day, I was surprised…and NOT surprised to see the “Manosphere” attacking Trudeau for being “Beta.” Memes popped up mocking this man for displaying human emotions.

Other moments I recall are U.S. presidents who displayed human emotion and were immediately criticized by the hyper-masculine culture. Obama after the massacre at Sandy Hook Elementary School, George W. Bush after the 9/11 terrorist attacks, Clinton after the Oklahoma City Bombing.

Share TruthTosterone

Father Richard Rohr recently released a new book called, The Tears of Things, where he asks us to become “…Prophets of Love.” The premise is that the ancient Hebrew prophets start out as agitators and critics, they have a lot of what is described today as “Alpha” energy. However, as the great prophets mature, they develop the ability to lead through developing their emotional intelligence (EQ), also known as emotional maturity. The prophets that do not develop EQ, Rohr labels as ‘unfinished prophets.’

Stop Apologizing

“Emotionally intelligent individuals can motivate themselves, read social cues, and build strong relationships.” -- Emotional Intelligence (EQ)

The mature masculine requires men to gain self-knowledge and to attain emotional literacy. No modern male should be apologizing for experiencing human emotions. We are not robots. Being ‘unemotional’ does not make us better leaders. In fact, lack of EQ is what leads to sociopathic tendencies, men so emotionally illiterate and detached from their humanity that they see other humans as weak, fallible, e.g., “Beta.”

Subscribe now

Nothing can be farther from the truth for a whole, conscientious leader than the idea of a man who is emotionally illiterate. Today’s young men are being told that the path to leadership is to be “disruptive.” “Move fast and break things.” This is the opposite of the message of the Stoics, the opposite of the philosophy of the founders of the country.

Epictetus said, “It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.” This is the essence of mature masculinity, to ‘know thyself’ so deeply that we move with consciousness and emotional clarity as opposed to reacting to everything that happens around us. Breaking things is a sign of immaturity.

When we operate from conscious, emotional literacy we have nothing for which to apologize. There is nothing shameful about ‘tears.’ Just as there is nothing wrong with anger, joy or fear. Knowing these human emotions and processing them as adults is the key to great leadership.

The other option men have is to remain stuck in the poisonous messages that we are not supposed to experience human emotions. For men, this keeps us trapped in a childish world. We see this every day in our society. Dialogue remains trapped in a “middle school” mentality where very little productive activity takes place. Many modern male role models display and celebrate grossly immature thinking.

Why? The most salient answer is that this is the easier, softer way. It is difficult to plumb our own souls and discover our innate humanity. It is much easier to point a finger at ‘the other’ and criticize them for their human faults. Mom always said, “When you point your finger, there are three pointing back.”

The Four Virtues of Stoicism

“The Stoics identified four cardinal virtues: wisdom, courage, justice, and temperance. These virtues are seen as expressions of a person’s rational nature, and they provide a guide for how to live a good life.” –Stoic Choice

There is no conflict here. The “mind” and ‘a person’s rational nature’ are not an avoidance of human emotional reality. The Stoics are not encouraging us to be robots or Spock. Indeed, it is just the opposite. The deeper we move into an understanding of what our bodies are feeling/experiencing, the more conscious we are of how we respond to the events of the outside world.

Share

The man featured on the news report in Mississippi should have felt free to drop to ground if he needed. He is bleeding out and his town is destroyed. He is alive, his family is upright and breathing…so he has some rational reason to feel happiness for that reality. On the same token, he has every right to be grief stricken once the shock wears off. The first words out of the reporter’s mouth should have been, “You have nothing to apologize for.”

This is now the great dilemma for today’s young men. We have a lack of elders who are willing to teach young men the pathways to their own souls. The more that we emulate and encourage the next generation to achieve emotional intelligence, the closer we are to truly great leadership for the future.

“Yet, the sacred masculine energy goes beyond sheer physical prowess. It embraces emotional intelligence, recognizing vulnerability as a wellspring of power. In a world that often dismisses emotional expression as weakness, the sacred masculinity stands tall, encouraging men to delve into their emotional depths with courage and authenticity.” —Sacred Masculinity: A Psychological Perspective

Leave a comment

EQ is the pathway to “ownership.” We are called to pass along the knowledge of the sacred masculine. The sacred that “Healing Wolf” touched in his prose at the beginning of this post. We leave behind our childish and foolish misunderstandings.

“All my life I've misinterpreted
the language of emotions
and proud I was of my
foolish misunderstandings
while aggressively defending
my stupidity. I thoughtlessly
crushed all else but my own.”

“Even after all this time
The Sun never says to the Earth
‘You owe me’
Look what happens with a love like that
It lights up the whole sky”
--Hafez

The human body breathes 19K/20K per day, automatically. Sometimes deep, sometimes shallow, sometimes a yawn, sometimes a sigh.

Spiritual teachings tell us that breath equals Spirit. We breathe in, we are “inspired,” in Spirit, “with Spirit.”

Young men today are being pushed/pulled by social media and reality constructs that prey upon base human emotions. It is easy to go down a rabbit hole of either hyper-masculinity or hyper-sensitivity. A true leader can discern the conflict and find a middle way through ethical action.

When we breathe, we consume oxygen which feeds our circulatory system…this is part of the autonomic system of a human. The air never tells us, ‘You owe me.’

There are techniques that can enhance the quality of your inspiration, respiration, inhalation and exhalation. Becoming conscious of breath is a pathway to being more conscious of our feelings and emotions.

Share TruthTosterone

When we open our phones, it is another story entirely. There is a supercomputer in your hand, how will you use it? The menu runs the gamut, from vulgar and hurtful to mocking and thoughtless.

I have spoken with young men who told me they deleted all social media apps from their phones. These young men are focusing on their future, their education and building a quality life and community. This is conscious breathing with technology.

The Monkey Mind

We can teach/encourage young men to raise their level of consciousness and move past the “Rhesus Monkey Mind” of clicking and/or “Doomscrolling.” Just as we can be conscious of our breathing, we can be conscious of which we ‘inspirate’ our brains and eyeballs via our phones. We can pause and ask, “What is needed to feed my soul?”

Subscribe now

“We see the world piece by piece, as the sun, the moon, the animal, the tree; but the whole, of which these are shining parts, is the soul.” --Ralph Waldo Emerson

The vibe check is “How do I feel after spending time on the phone? Am I learning something new? Am I “Mindful” with my device? Am I expanding my community? Am I bringing something back to my community?”

Entertainment is fine for a brief escape. The true Hero’s Journey is to “…enter the forest…where there is no path.” You then bring back a treasure to share with your community.

Leave a comment

The key is EQ/Emotional Intelligence. What am I feeling? Can I be honest about what I am feeling? This is the goal of the groups. In groups, we listen and hold each other accountable. Boys work through their issues and their brothers/cohorts support them through their feelings. Together, they are building stronger and more conscious men and communities. Together, they gain “Insight.”

“One of the quickest, the quickest paths, I think, to a better country would be a recognition that the moment a boy loses access to a male role model, that the community and family need to move in and make sure there's men involved in that boy's life. And what's really unfortunate is that men aren't stepping up to the plate. So, and I say this all the time, if we want better men, we need to be better men.” –Professor Scott Galloway: Pivot Podcast

ProfG’s quote above addresses the United States, but he speaks of a global phenomenon which begs the question, “Where are the men?”

We aren’t talking only about role models here. There is a dearth of men participating in young men’s lives in many areas of life, particularly schools/education. Adult men are required to build community for young men, not just as the little league coach but deliberate community that gives young men the opportunity to build strong bonds and accountability friendships.

Share TruthTosterone

As we look around the world right now, we see a shortage of quality role models while a cadre of men attempting to fill the space are doing it with immature and negative energy. Being male is not about power or strength, it is about authenticity and self-knowledge. The ancient Stoics drew up paths for men, and particularly young men, to live more authentic lives.

A Modern Stoic

“The 21st-century Stoic man is not someone who denies emotions or shuts himself off from the world. On the contrary, he is someone who recognizes emotions but uses them as a driving force to make wise decisions. He leads with compassion, resilience, and an unwavering conviction in his values.” -- Stoicism and Masculinity: The Path to Excellence

The Stoic Marcus Aurelius said: “Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Just be one!” It is important to note that Stoicism, when capitalized, defines the act. The Stoics’ teachings center around manliness as ‘humanness,’ where human emotions are understood and processed rather than subdued or acted upon…the ‘proper’ fulfillment of our human nature.

How does a ‘good man’ just ‘Be one?’ How do we be ‘better’ as ProfG requests? The Stoics would argue, we need to be more ‘human.’ To be more human means to live in the fullness of human emotions…mad, sad, glad, afraid, etc. We don’t deny these emotions and we don’t act them out.

We are called to be more ‘mindful’ in our lives. Self-knowledge could also be called self-awareness. Our ability to recognize and process our emotions is what builds strong character. Finding joy in genuine things and not in the schadenfreude of others for example. Sharing grief when it is present and potentially helping another person who is struggling with loss. Asking a friend to go to the gym when feeling amped up and angry and trusting that friend to hold space if you need to vomit up some of the bile of your anger so you ‘process’ that emotion rather than act it out.

The Male Push/Pull

There is a post on The Good Men Project that addresses the information environment that young men are faced with when they are inundated with either the ‘manosphere’ or the ‘progressive’ male, suggesting there is a ‘third way.’ The author stresses that ethics are the pathway to healthy, mature masculinity. We don’t act on emotions, and we don’t deny or criticize a man for having emotions, we develop healthy way for men to recognize and process those emotions.

In male initiation, elders create space and model for the younger men how to step up and learn to hold each other accountable. When a cohort attempts misdirection, his brothers will help him focus on what makes him the most human. “How is that working for you?” The above post from Simon Fokt asks: “…how will men get more emotionally intelligent if we keep invalidating their emotions?”

It comes down to a simple equation…validate men. There is no ‘anti male’ movement in the world, there is an anti-listening, anti-validation epidemic. The epidemic is fueled by poisonous social media and media in general. The path to being better men is paved with validation and particularly young men being heard. Listen, accept, encourage and admire…a strategy for lifting the young men of the world and gift it with better leaders, better educators and better men.

Substack: https://truthtosterone.com/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Truthtosterone
Email: truthtosterone@gmail.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/truthtosterone/
Spotify: https://bit.ly/TruthTosterone

CONTENTS

0:01 Background on B2M. Intention around TruthTosterone.
12:39 More intention around TruthTosterone.
14:16 What is a good man?
18:54 Telling the truth.
29:09 Playing the game.
33:38 The man battle.
39:26 Are you a good friend?
43:45 What’s the point? Upcoming topics. Guests.

“The simple symbolic references have become dulled
in the reverence they once contained.
I hang my head in sorrow, in shame, and silently grieve:
I want to cry, to wail my misery and aloneness to the wind, but no one ever taught me.”
--Patrick Nolan: The Folsom Prison Daybook

Note: To learn more about Patrick Nolan and ‘The Book” visit Inside Circle.

“There are only two emotions - Fear and Love. Go with Love.” –Wayne Dyer

The above quote was used by Dr. Dyer in his lectures and the author Marianne Williamson. When working with young men and introducing the concept of emotional literacy (EQ), we deal with the four (4) main emotions, Glad, Sad, Mad, Afraid. You can also count Numb as a feeling/emotion as a young teenager in today’s world may be so overwhelmed that they simply cannot connect with the main feeling in their body. We honor the Numb.

In a world more and more devoid of Emotional Intelligence (EQ), initiating young men into the world of their emotions/feelings and their heart has never been more imperative.

To be clear, we are not talking about a room full of young men sobbing and wiping tears with tissues. This is simple literacy and intelligence. My body is tight, my breathing is shallow, my palms are sweaty…I am feeling Fear. Recognizing what is happening in the body and the ability to identify the dominant feeling is critical to building strong empathetic leaders.

Anger is such an easy one for men. In my experience over years of doing initiation work, anger is almost always the mask we put on to keep us from feeling our grief or sadness. I have always held that anger is nothing more than a cheap commodity. We are trained from an early age that any type of empathy or sympathy is “weak.”

Share TruthTosterone

Today we have a backlash over a cultural perception that “men are being weakened.” That is true. Men and young men who do not understand their emotions and particularly their ability to process grief are indeed weakened. By this logic, we encourage only a lack of vision and wisdom by denying or masking our grief.

“Grief can be the garden of compassion. If you keep your heart open through everything, your pain can become your greatest ally in your life’s search for love and wisdom.” --Rumi

Rumi tells us that grief is not suffering. Psychologically, the resistance to grief is due to its being perceived as a form of suffering. Who wants to choose to suffer?

But, when we listen to Patrick’s words above, we hear that his soul is asking for a way to enter what he senses is a garden of compassion, “but no one ever taught me.”

So we reimagine a world where the Patrick Nolan’s are not overlooked or left to fall through the cracks of our society. We must TEACH young men how to identify their emotions and process those feelings.

This is not about “saying the right thing.” There are countless books written on how to help a friend through grief, how to act and what to say. We are talking about naming emotions and then setting on a pathway to processing. The self-knowledge required to identify and incorporate feelings.

Subscribe now

In the “manliest” sense, the stoic Seneca speaks of ‘conquering our grief.’ He presents this as a pathway through, as opposed to masking, that grief with anger or distractions. However hard we may try, we cannot ‘deceive’ grief.

“It is better to conquer our grief than to deceive it. For if it has withdrawn, being merely beguiled by pleasures and preoccupations, it starts up again and from its very respite gains force to savage us. But the grief that has been conquered by reason is calmed for ever. I am not therefore going to prescribe for you those remedies which I know many people have used, that you divert or cheer yourself by a long or pleasant journey abroad, or spend a lot of time carefully going through your accounts and administering your estate, or constantly be involved in some new activity. All those things help only for a short time; they do not cure grief but hinder it. But I would rather end it than distract it.” — Seneca

Rumi echoes this by telling us, “The cure for the pain is in the pain.”

As an elder, as a teacher, it is essential that we have first done this work so that we can facilitate these young men through their hearts and give tomorrow’s Patrick a chance at a more healthy and productive life in society. Our empathy produces more men with empathy/EQ.

“That means facing it now. Process and parse what you are feeling. Remove your expectations, your entitlements, your sense of having been wronged. Find the positive in the situation, but also sit with your pain and accept it, remembering that it is a part of life. That’s how one conquers grief.” – Ryan Holiday

Share

Let’s be clear, there are times when anger is righteous, where fighting for what we believe in or need to protect is important for men…this is where our mature Warrior is required. At the same time, when our bodies are filled with grief, the “actions” that we take are just as essential. We must take that same sense of clarity and focus that we carry in protecting what is precious to us into our griefwork. In the Four Male Archetypes of the King, Warrior, Magician and Lover, grief is most associated with the Lover. It is where can truly set our life on fire.

“Thus, when a man taps into the Lover archetype’s energy, he feels alive with vim and vigor and connected to the world and those around him. A man in touch with the Lover archetype feels deeply, whether those feelings are of joy or pain.” –Brett McKay

When I was first introduced to male initiation, I spent time with some of the younger Cree and Lakota tribal members and they taught me about the significance of reaching out to the ancestors and the elders as supporters and guides in the work. In the words of Malidoma Patrice Somé, the ancestors are the thread that brought us into this world and watch over us as we serve in this world and eventually, we return to the place in which our ancestors exist.

Share TruthTosterone

“We come here bearing a gift and a purpose, and our purpose is, indeed, to deliver the gift that we brought with us…which is why our hearts, and our soul are constantly longing to be of service at whatever level. To be of such service that we can verify that thanks to us who have made the world around us better and so this intention alone signals the presence behind it of purpose and even the presence of a gift, a kind of know-how that could allow The Way We Walk in this world to look like we are Engineers to the beautification of this planet.” –Malidoma Patrice Somé

Malidoma tells us that all of us are born with gifts, magic and medicine that we are designed to bring into the world and that our ancestors are always in the background championing us to discover our gifts and make them manifest in the world.

Malidoma would tell us that for a man or young man to discover his gifts, his purpose, is to invite the ancestors into the sacred space of creation. All service comes from the natural medicine that is within each of us. The ancestors already know the path and their perception of us and our path is a dance, a collaboration with the energy that comes from that dimension.

“Going to the land of the ancestors is embracing all of a sudden the benefit of this Cosmic perception that comes with a relinquishing of the body and as such becoming spirit with all the Purity consistent with the requirement of that Dimension…”–Malidoma Patrice Somé

When I traveled to places where young tribal members lived, they insisted each and every action we took must be first surrounded by a ritual of acknowledging the ancestors, the elders, the “grandfathers,” and setting an “intention” for the soul work about to take place. Malidoma tells us that this is the pathway to discovering the gifts of service and purpose.

Subscribe now

Wandering Aimlessly

Many of today’s thought leaders on the crisis with today’s young men and boys describe a failure to launch, a lack of purpose. The author Warren Farrell in The Boy Crisis defines this lack of purpose as the key ingredient in today’s suffering in young men.

“Farrell asserts that today’s boys often struggle with a sense of hopelessness and a lack of purpose linked in part to family breakdown and father deprivation. He also believes that boys’ and men’s weakness is their facade of strength.” --The Reason Why Boys Are Struggling

Indeed, there have been small cottage industries that have popped up encouraging this “wandering aimlessly.” As Merton tells us, this is evading the basic task of discovering who it is that chooses. The self-knowledge that is required for a young man to reach mature manhood is bypassed.

The results are nothing short of disastrous. We see around us a world of middle-schoolers, of grown men who behave as though they are eleven or twelve. They were never initiated by their elders and lack the self-knowledge required to teach magic and purpose to the next generation.

Share

Much of this cultural inflection has come under the guise of “freedom.” But when we read the Stoics, we discover that freedom is not an aimless wandering, but a discovery of self and the personal magic/medicine that each of holds…claiming that gift and then ministering to the world. This current crisis of a failure to launch among boys is a lack of clarity as to their own magnificent power, the power that comes from truly knowing their own hearts.

“Freedom does not mean the right to do whatever we please, but rather to do as we ought. The right to do whatever we please reduces freedom to a physical power and forgets that freedom is a moral power.” --Fulton J. Sheen

“When freedom does not have a purpose, when it does not wish to know anything about the rule of law engraved in the hearts of men and women, when it does not listen to the voice of conscience, it turns against humanity and society.” --Pope John Paul III

Purpose Can Be Known

“Purpose can be pursued, and gift can be known.” --Malidoma Patrice Somé

It is easy to lay blame at the feet of things such as an overly spoiled society, video games, access to chemical solutions, economic disparity, etc. etc., when the real shortage is elders. Elders are the ones who need to pass along the sacred knowledge of the ancestors to the younger men. The men that taught me were the same age as I was, but they had been taught by their fathers and grandfathers in the ways of the ancestors.

By calling upon the ancestors and recognizing the world of Spirit, we lay the groundwork of self-discovery and open ourselves to the gifts. Helping a boy to find his purpose can take on many forms, but it begins with elders who have passed through the gates to turn around and share their gifts.

Leave a comment

In the men’s groups that began in Folsom Prison, called the Inside Circle, the men on the inside were committed to ‘digging’ into their psyches and finding “the poison.” They discovered once they touched the sometimes extremely painful poison…right next to that poison was their medicine, their gold. Each man became committed to doing the excavation work required to claim his powerful medicine…his purpose. These men then became the elders who passed this knowledge on to the next generations.

“Healing comes when the individual remembers his or her identity—the purpose chosen in the world of ancestral wisdom—and reconnects with that world of Spirit.” --Malidoma Patrice Somé

It is critical that when we sit in a circle, we begin by taking a moment to ask the ancestors, the elders, the grandfathers to sit with us. As Robbie Robertson told us years ago, it is “our elders who teach us of our creation and our past.”

“The masculine attraction to magic can be traced to something much deeper than the ability to pull a rabbit out of a hat. Rather, it is rooted in what the magician’s abilities represent–the power that comes from the mastery of a secret knowledge and the ability to use that knowledge to manipulate tools in order to control certain elements and produce desired outcomes. The yearning to harness and possess that power is what fuels the Magician archetype, an energy that every man should seek…” –Brett McKay: The Art of Manliness

Several of today’s thought leaders have their finger on the pulse of today’s “Boy Crisis.” Warren Farrell, Professor Scott Galloway and Richard Reeves are some of the men who have identified solutions to today’s problem for men and boys.

“Galloway, if you haven’t been paying attention, is among the most prominent voices warning us that young men in America are struggling right now — from increased suicide rates and an epidemic of loneliness to a failure to launch. “There are few demographic groups in the past 100 years who have fallen further, faster than young men,” he says.”” -- Teen Boys Are in Trouble — & Scott Galloway Has a Theory Why

One thing these men agree on, outside of the economic realities for younger men, is the cultural lack of mission and purpose.

This crisis represents a lack of mentoring from older men and a lack of mature Magician energy. The elders who have done their work, who have processed the darker forces of the Male Archetypes are called upon to share their knowledge with the younger males through mentoring and initiation. Sadly, as ProfG has pointed out: “Unfortunately (and unfairly), mentoring has gotten a bad rap, and Galloway isn’t afraid to put it bluntly: “The Catholic Church and Michael Jackson have f*cked it up for all of us.””

In his “fullness,” a mature Magician no longer dialogs with the immature aspects of his psyche; The Dummy and The Know-it-all Trickster, and moves into the power of the Creator of his reality. Older men are required to “teach the tricks” of the Magician to the younger males…this is our calling.

Share

This ‘lack of purpose,’ and ‘failure to launch,’ signifies a significant shortage of Magician energy among today’s younger males. They have not had older men introducing them to the power of their own Magician. The result has a been a cultural shift of the immature masculine appearing as the voice of authority (PUA as an example) which has led to immature men ‘teaching’ younger men undeveloped masculine energy…so we basically have a “Boy problem,” e.g., boys teaching boys how to be men. We are developing a culture of boys in men’s bodies. Today’s Edgelords are boys in men’s bodies…the “Detached Manipulators.”

In Robert Moore’s original treatise on the archetypes, he defines the undeveloped or ‘dark’ Magician:

“This is the man who thinks too much, who stands back from his life and never lives it. He is caught in a web of pros and cons about his decisions and lost in a labyrinth of reflective meanderings from which he cannot extricate himself. He is afraid to live, to ‘leap into battle.’ He can only sit on his rock and think. The years pass. He wonders where the time has gone. And he ends by regretting a life of sterility. He is a voyeur, an armchair adventurer. In the world of academia, he is a hairsplitter. In the fear of making the wrong decision, he makes none. In his fear of living, he also cannot participate in the joy and pleasure that other people experience in their lived lives. If he is withholding from others, and not sharing what he knows, he eventually feels isolated and lonely. To the extent that he has hurt others with his knowledge and technology—in whatever field and in whatever way—by cutting himself off from living relatedness with other human beings, he has cut off his own soul.” ― Robert L. Moore, King, Warrior, Magician, Lover: Rediscovering Masculinity Through the Lens of Archetypal Psychology - A Journey into the Male Psyche and Its Four Essential Aspects

The World of Spirit: Soul Work

“This is why the lack of magician energy in modern culture is really at the heart of the issues many men are having today. There is a lack of mature men who have made a rite-of-passage themselves available to initiate other men into the “secret knowledge” of manhood. Dads and granddads, uncles and cousins, used to teach their sons and other young men how to act, dress, and behave like a man. But a lot of men have grown up without such a mentor these days and thus feel lost, directionless, and adrift.” –Brett McKay: The Art of Manliness

Subscribe now

Initiation and mentoring are spiritual practices that have existed since we stood upright. The tribal elders passed on the ‘secrets’ of masculinity to the next generation. For a young man to access his full power as a man, he needs to be introduced to the spiritual energies present in his system/soul. Learning how to access and articulate his emotional landscape is critical to his becoming a strong leader. Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the main gateway to mature masculine energy.

“When a young man learns emotional literacy early, he is on track to be a leader, to be a ‘man’ of empathy, integrity and understanding. If my fists clench and my body temperature rises, I most likely am experiencing anger. If my chest tightens, my breathing becomes constricted and my body becomes rigid, I am most likely feeling fear. If my body feels light, if gravity seems less, if I am more aware of my surroundings, that likely means I am feeling joy. If my body feels heavy, if I feel listless, there is a very good chance I am feeling sadness.”

These are the spiritual forces alive in our bodies. When an older man has done his own initiation, his own “work,” he is able to pass down this sacred knowledge to the younger men and thus build competent and strong leaders. The Sufi poet Rumi calls this the “Guest House.”

Share TruthTosterone

If you are a man (or woman/mother) concerned about what you see happening with the younger men in today’s culture, join us on this journey, share this post on SubStack and other platforms, invite your male friends and let’s take the journey toward creating a healthy culture of men of purpose.

“Helping your son develop his sense of purpose requires beginning at a very different place than his dad-or granddad. His dad or granddad was told his sense of purpose. Your job is to help your son find his sense of purpose.” ― Warren Farrell PhD, The Boy Crisis: Why Our Boys Are Struggling and What We Can Do About It

“Students sharing their own stories as well as hearing from elders who may be parents or teachers is deep and powerful.” –Positive Times/AU

One of the legs in Arne Rubinstein’s “Rites of Passage” program is Stories. This has been our approach as well.

For both boys and men, this is critical to creating the safety required for a young man to plumb deeper into his own power.

With the phone generation, stories become even more critical to healthy transformation into the mature masculine. Today’s social media apps have posts that are called “Stories,” but these are not stories, they are typically time-sucking distractions. There are “Facebook Stories” and “Instagram Stories,” but they are not stories.

A story is something that takes us deeper into our psyche and opens empathy and understanding as they are shared with the circle/tribe/group.

Share TruthTosterone

It is essential that Spirit guides discussions. Facilitators who start off with “topics” are missing the point. Topics about stories are not stories.

“A child that is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth” - African proverb

For instance, in a group of 15 young men, suggesting we “talk about accountability” might generate topical discussion, but it won’t generate stories. Let’s say one of the boys in the group lost his dog the previous night. That young man is not going to get much out of ‘talking about’ accountability. However, if he is given a space to talk about his dog, his grief and sadness, the joy he got spending time with his dog…he enriches the group with his stories.

Jack Kornfield likes to tell a story about when he was working with a group of inner-city boys and the boys were not responding to the facilitator’s invitation to “change.” He then asks the boys to go out to the parking lot and get a stone for every person in their life they had lost in street violence. The boys came back, some of them with handfuls of stones, and began to talk about the people they knew for whom the stones represented.

Subscribe now

Stories make more stories. As the young men in Kornfield’s group found, they shared the anger, grief and helplessness they felt as they talked about the people they lost in ‘the stones.’

The young man who shares the laughter and the tears over the life and loss of his dog, opens the door to others in the group to share about their pets. Often, a lively discussion starts up about walks, picking up poop, cleaning messes, playing fetch with a ball or frisbee and the group builds trust and safety in their shared experiences/stories. These young men feel “embraced by the village” through their stories.

Share

Stories are when the lights turn on, the inner lights. As a young man is embraced in his fullness, all his joy and sorrow, the group sees their own hearts and the light that is within begins to shine brightly.

This is the goal of initiation and rites of passage. Elders give the gift of “space” for Spirit to come in and turn on the lights through stories. When this magic takes place, the group and the community are stronger and safer.

Leave a comment

I grew up in Chicago in the 1960s. As a North Side kid, I was into the Cubs and the Blackhawks. In the winter I spent hours on the ice with friends and siblings and dreamed of myself as The Golden Jet: Bobby Hull. Sometime around the age of 9 or 10, I went to a promotional opening for some big box store and got Bobby Hull’s autograph on a black and white picture. I can still remember practically peeing myself as the great Bobby Hull smiled at me with his front teeth missing and handed me his photo.

“My teeth weren’t that good to begin with, so hopefully I can get some better ones.” –Duncan Keith, Chicago Blackhawks

Hull replaced his teeth with dental work as the years went on, but that tough guy look was iconic of “men” growing up. In the 2010 playoffs, another contemporary Blackhawk, Duncan Keith lost seven teeth in a single game and came back to ice to play 29 minutes and help the team to move on to the Stanley Cup playoffs.

Around the same time Keith was losing teeth, the “Intellectual Dark Web” was born. Originally minted as a humorous(?) metaphor, the IDW was, and remains, a hodgepodge of pseudo-intellectual ‘thinkers’ (represented by both sides of the political extremes) whose ideology was to question the mainstream media, politics and culture.

Today, a large focus of the IDW is to rail against what they call the “Feminization of men.” As a result, the modern gender discussions are red meat for these mental giants.

Training Wheels

Some of the people that were around in the nascent days of the IDW could be called intellectually curious. Intellectuals? Not exactly. Sounding smart doesn’t make you an intellectual.

Instead, the IDW morphed into a cash machine. Rather than offering men and young men authentic information surrounding mature manhood, they alternately chose the path of ‘merchandising.’ Like Yogurt in Spaceballs, it’s all about the “Merchandising.” Spaceballs the lunch box, Spaceballs the breakfast cereal. Spaceballs the flame thrower! “May the Schwartz be with you!”

The dilemma today is, who is speaking to young men who genuinely want to see these men grow up to be leaders and to know their own souls. The Manosphere is seducing young men and filling their heads with pseudoscientific jargon and nonsense. If the elders are not feeding these young men, they grow up hungry and can transform themselves into beasts.

Share

The Character of a Man

“A man’s character always takes its hue, more or less, from the form and color of things about him.” – Frederick Douglass

The goal of this publication is to bring to light the people who are actively serving the young men of today. There are a host of brilliant and creative thought leaders in this movement and none of them are in it for the merchandising. We intend to bring in leading voices in the movement to build strong men through initiation and other means.

Share TruthTosterone

I have argued for decades that the measure of a man is not based on his toughness. While admirable and needed for basic survival, men are sold a shitty bag of goods from the time they are thigh high. Don’t cry, don’t show feelings, gird your loins and take the blows. This might get us to a Stanley Cup, but it is a terrible way to form relationships, raise children, deal with death or have any type of meaningful inner life.

In a recent podcast (Holiday Special Pt. 1 – Rediscovering Your Secret Beauty and Sharing Your Special Gift), Jack Kornfield was talking about one of his teachers who said (paraphrasing), “If we were able to look into each other’s eyes and see their secret beauty, truly see it…wars would end, and we would spend our time on our knees worshipping each other.”

Initiation is not about ‘softening’ men, it is about mature masculinity; Accountability, Integrity, Honor, being a man of your word. It is the duty of the elders to pass these gifts on the young men of this generation.

I used to tell boys that they were “Blazing white light in a meat suit.” At first, they did not always understand. But when you are working with a young man and you see his light start to really shine, you are blinded as his true brilliance begins to shine through.

Leave a comment

Knowing oneself, emotional intelligence and trusting your heart is the pathway to building men of character. In a recent podcast interview, Arne Rubinstein talks about how uninitiated men remain trapped in the boy. We have far too many boys trapped in men’s bodies in today’s world. I could generate a long list, but; A) You know who they are (Just listen to them…they usually are the LOUDEST), and B) We know the problems…and this venture is focused on the SOLUTIONS.

“Not only do we no longer have any semblance of male initiation, but also we promote and enable the opposite. We anti-initiate, even in the Church! Thus you can be ordained to priesthood or episcopacy, not with motivations of descent, but for purposes of ascent.” –Richard Rohr

Initiation for young males does not require violence, scarifying or brutality. As Joseph Campbell taught, the journey is an inward journey. Older males, who have themselves initiated to their eldership, assisting the younger generations is a resurgent practice, not just for young men but for young women as well.

“The labyrinth is thoroughly known; we have only to follow the thread of the hero path. And where we had thought to find an abomination, we shall find a god. And where we had thought to slay another, we shall slay ourselves. And where we had thought to travel outward, we shall come to the center of our own existence. And where we had thought to be alone, we shall be with all the world.” –Joseph Cambell

Dr. Arne Rubinstein, who runs global rites of passage groups, identifies four key components to his workshops that develop healthy rites of passage.

1. Stories

2. Challenges

3. Creation of Vision

4. Recognizing the unique gifts, talents and genius of themselves and their fellow participants.

The goal is to mainstream these ancient practices and make them available to all the youth coming up today. The truth about rites of passage is that it is one cultural gift that cannot be commoditized. There won’t be “Drive-Thru” rites of passage in the future. They require the men and women who have themselves taken the “Hero’s Journey” to pass on that wisdom to the younger generations.

“When you remove elders from the system the whole system struggles to function in an effective way.” – Arne Rubinstein

Healthy masculinity starts with that inward Hero’s Journey. It involves emotional intelligence and emotional literacy. For boys, this requires spending time with men who have taken their own inward journey. For older men, it means spending time with their elders and sharing their wisdom and stories.

All we are is stories. All history was once inherited from generation to generation by the spoken word.

The stories that the Manosphere are spreading are false stories. They are leaving today’s young men in a cultural void. Inherently, in their souls, these young men know they are being fed mendacious information. This leads to younger men initiating themselves, finding destructive ways to enter manhood and carrying this destructive thinking into the community.

The Manosphere are villains selling young men on the false idea of what the Hero looks like. Immature, uninitiated men, leading uninitiated young men. It is a recipe for disaster.

Although the quote is often misappropriated to Frederick Douglass, it rings true in today’s fast-paced world of ten second sound bites:

“It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.”

We don’t want a world where women are afraid to be who they are because men fell short on their responsibility to initiate and nurture the young men in the tribe. It is our obligation as men who have taken the journey, to pass on our gifts to the youth of today and help build a community of mature masculinity. To: “Recognize the unique gifts, talents and genius of themselves and their fellows.”

“When we stride or stroll across the frozen lake,
We place our feet where they have never been.
We walk upon the unwalked. But we are uneasy.
Who is down there but our old teachers?
Water that once could take no human weight-
We were students then-holds up our feet,
And goes on ahead of us for a mile.
Beneath us the teachers, and around us the stillness”
--Robert Bly

“I have created a new Stack which can be found here: TruthTosterone | Doug Sooley | Substack” Please subscribe for future updates.

Subscribe now

Boys to Men

In the mid to late 90s, I sat around a coffee table with a handful of men, and we brainstormed how we might be able to bring healthy, mature masculinity to the young men of San Diego County. Those concepts ultimately became the Boys to Men Mentoring Network.

Dangling Participles is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

On their website, you can read about the history of how “B2M” came to be. In a large way, the organization was the vision of Joe’s father, Herb Sigurdson. I only knew Herb for about 18 months before he passed from cancer. Herb was called the “Love Millionaire.” No matter how you felt prior to spending time with Herb, when you left you were on cloud nine. Herb had powerful elder magic and lifted you to your highest place spiritually and emotionally. His hugs were legendary…BIG bear hug squeezes.

At that time, most of us were the age that many of today’s “Manosphere” podcasters are. We were focused on ‘the solution’ and creating a heart-space that would welcome these young men into the community by Listening, Accepting and Encouraging them. A simple solution for brilliant young men.

TruthTosterone

Some of you may be aware that Mercury is going retrograde this weekend and you might think it presents a time ‘not’ to announce things.

As a 45+ year student, I firmly disagree. Mercury is stationing in Sagittarius at 6 degrees 24 minutes. I agree with this analyst’s interpretation as Mercury stations direct on Sunday, December 15, 2024:

Share TruthTosterone

“As Mercury turns direct while residing in Sagittarius, the impact is particularly intriguing. Sagittarius, ruled by Jupiter, is a sign associated with expansion, exploration, and a thirst for knowledge. This fiery sign encourages us to look at the bigger picture and seek truth and wisdom. With Mercury's direct motion in Sagittarius, there is an opportunity to communicate more openly and honestly. This transit can inspire philosophical discussions and a desire to explore new ideas or cultures.” -- astrolis.com

This is a perfect time to announce a new venture I am undertaking with the help of a community of men (mostly elders) who are planning on producing counterprogramming to the poisonous and destructive “Manosphere” garbage that is radicalizing the young men of today.

The initial Mission Statement is:

Counter-programming for young men wanting to make positive impact with their lives, become leaders and create a better society.

I have created a new Stack which can be found here: TruthTosterone | Doug Sooley | Substack

Share

In time, we will be adding to the stack with posts and video discussions on topics such as:

1. Financial planning/Saving for the future

2. Paying for college

3. Buying a home

4. Finding a job

5. Recognizing feelings/emotions

6. Schoolwork

7. Interacting with girls

8. Tribal pull/gangs

9. Abuse. Received or performed. Verbal and physical

10. What is maturity?

11. What is masculinity?

12. King, Warrior, Magician, Lover

13. Spirituality, Sacredness

14. Family, parents and siblings

15. Service

16. Community

These are just a sampling of topics we will be going into in-depth as we offer the young men of today a thoughtful, comprehensive and mature masculine way of viewing the world.

Please take a moment and sign up for the Stack and receive posts when they are produced. If you want to assist this project or feel you have something to offer, please email truthtosterone@gmail.com. Thanks.

Dangling Participles is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

Subscribe now