Ditching the Avatars
Many Changing Shadows
"It is hard," said the old Sioux Black Elk to his friend, the poet John G. Neihardt, "to follow one great vision in this world of darkness and of many changing shadows. Among these shadows men get lost." –Joseph Campbell: Flight of the Wild Gander
The lack of formal initiation in young men’s lives has left our young men floundering in either a state of “failure to launch” or seeking out experiences that have them taking on unhealthy initiations that temporarily give them the feeling of the “rapture of being alive.”
This has led to a sad situation as we see daily, from the top to the bottom, men who act as if they are still in middle school and it has created a dangerous society.
Social media, and culture in general, has opened a world of avatars. Our “online personalities” typically represent people who are happy, healthy and strong…having fun on a weekend or a trip, going to see a concert. Etc., etc. Culturally, many boys grow up thinking that they are simply inadequate. Contrast this lack of elder mentorship and initiation to how girls lived most of their lives for a couple centuries as they were told “girls aren’t good at math” and other ridiculous tropes designed to keep females in their place.
Boys in Men’s Bodies
For young men to break free of the avatars (shadows), they require a healthy place to learn about their hearts and gain emotional clarity that allows them to blossom into healthy men. Because; “Among these shadows men get lost.”
In a recent interview with Dr. Arne Rubinstein, we discussed the crisis in the modern male culture of “boys living inside of men’s bodies.”
“We have children acting like babies, teenagers acting like children, young men acting like teenagers, elders still trying to pretend like they’re young men and holding down the young so that they can still feel powerful…the whole thing’s not working.” –Dr. Arne Rubinstein
He is right, it is NOT working. Look around the world today. We are surrounded by deeply childish men. Discourse takes place at the level of a twelve year old. Again, this is not isolated to just the top of society…it runs through the culture and is conspicuous in the world of online talking heads.
These are shadow experts. PUA channels, easy money channels and misogynist channels overpopulate the internet. Young men need to be introduced to the knowledge of the “many changing shadows” that help to create a false belief system (an avatar) and to step into their own hero of mature masculinity.
“The shadow is especially effective if it mirrors the hero in some way. It shows the audience the twisted person the hero could become if they head down the wrong path, and highlights the hero’s internal struggle. This, in turn, makes the hero’s success more meaningful.” -- The Eight Character Archetypes of the Hero’s Journey
The Avatar of Lies
There is nothing more disempowering than believing in false avatars. Some of these avatars are burned into the boy’s brain from an early age and usually starts with the word “father.” “You are stupid.” “There is something wrong with you.” “You will never make anything of yourself.” All lies…and the lies create a disastrous avatar of the true human.
The lies provide a breeding ground for the menu of immature masculine to perpetuate itself on social media. If a young man believes he cannot make anything of himself, he is ripe for the “in your face” clickbait until he is welcomed into a group of men who help him navigate the emotional landscape of his heart and soul.
When he is given a safe place to be truly heard, among men who celebrate his authenticity, this young man accesses his power. He will become a leader. He will create a healthier world as he moves from a genuine understanding of his potential.
As elders, it is our responsibility to shepherd these young men and help bring them into a world of healthy mature masculinity.
This requires EQ, emotional intelligence. For men, this also mandates what Robert Bly calls The Wild Man or “Zeus Energy,” as described in his book “Iron John.”
“…according to Bly, the Wild Man isn’t some macho dude or savage man who takes pleasure in violence. The Wild Man is filled with masculine strength or what Bly calls Zeus Energy. The Ancient Greeks called this energy thumos or spiritedness.” -- Dance Like Zorba the Greek: Getting in Touch with Your Wild Man
Rites of passage provide a health pathway from shadow to light.
“People say that what we’re all seeking is a meaning for life. I don’t think that’s what we’re really seeking. I think that what we’re seeking is an experience of being alive, so that our life experiences on the purely physical plane will have resonances with our own innermost being and reality, so that we actually feel the rapture of being alive.” ― Joseph Campbell, The Power of Myth