Praise for Alpha Males
We Climb a Step Every Day
In today’s world of “Social Media,” we have a Wild West of information that can bombard our senses, if we allow it, and the online culture has become one of increasing toxicity and disinformation.
Young men today are easily seduced by immature, uninitiated males who themselves are middle schoolers in men’s bodies that promise wealth and sex if you just follow their “advice.”
It is a safe bet that these ‘grown’ men lack the depth and emotional clarity required to be generative men in the culture because they were never shown what it means to be men of integrity and character. Most likely they were never honored or praised…thus they do not know how to offer this to the next generation of young men.
All of us with outdoor plumbing need to be told, repeatedly, that we are “Good Boys.”
The modern myth of the “Alpha Male” grips the culture and the “Sigmas” and the “Betas” are seen as commencing the fall of civilization as we know it.
Studies show that the “Praise to Criticism Ratio” needs to be quite high for people to feel valued, heard, seen and loved. Five positive comments for every criticism, because criticism goes a long way.
When was the last time you read through comments sections on social media? Are they filled with a ratio of five positive comments for each critical one? No. They are not.
Keyboard warriors bring out the ugliest side of our humanity in destructive ways. These ways are taught…they are learned through watching the behavior of one another and it seems to be compounding year upon year.
Imagine if every time you wanted to post a comment, the app you were using has a pop up that says, “Does your comment meet Rumi’s three gates criteria?” Those are:
At the first gate, ask yourself, “Is it true?”
At the second gate ask, “Is it necessary?”
At the third gate ask, “Is it kind?”
In her book, “The Power of the Spoken Word,” the author Florence Scovel Shinn tells us, “You are now a master workman and your tools are your words. Be sure you are building constructively, according to the Divine Plan.”
Who’s the Alpha Now?
Nature tells us that our nearest relatives often have no actual hierarchy for which male becomes the Alpha. Oftentimes, it happens by accident or tragedy…as in the death of an existing Alpha. Suddenly, another male is thrust into the position of authority. He is not there by blood or previous position, but rather by circumstance.
“There are a range of animal behaviors out there, and just because humans choose to identify with some more than others doesn’t mean we have to. When it comes to chimpanzees, for example — one of {our} closest living relatives — their social structure is one of the most aggressive and political out there…” –Discover Magazine
In most cases, the “Alpha” male is the one who has the coolest head, who is the most strategic, who understands processes and can coordinate the others in the group to act in the best interests of the group for survival.
There is, what Jack Kornfield calls, a “nobility,” or a “dignity.” He emphasizes this with a story of Nelson Mandela who, after becoming the head of the country where he spent 27 years in prison, he was eating one day, and another man sat down beside him with his tray of food with his body shaking the entire time before getting up and hiding his face as he touched Mandela’s arm. One of Mandela’s staff said, “Madiba, that the man must be sick.” But Mandela told his assistant that the man was a guard at the prison, and that when Mandela would cry out for water when thirsty, that man would come to him and mock him and urinate on his head. The man was simply in fear that Mandela might take retribution on him.
Because Mandela was the essence of nobility and embodied the energy of an Alpha male, he did not respond with retribution…but with kindness and love.
“And from that place, not only can we see and hold the fear and grief in a compassionate heart, but also, we have the space to act in an entirely different way, to not get caught up in the reactions and the anger and all the kinds of scenarios that we are afraid of.
And instead, the nobility of heart, which is who you are, the dignity, the original dignity which Nelson Mandela carried, that can shine and be hacked from that.” –Jack Kornfield
The King in All His Glory
If we want our young men to be kings, then we must teach them how to be dignified and noble. We must help them understand that their words are a Magic Wand, not just in how they interact with others, but most importantly in how they communicate with themselves.
An immature king is the tyrant, the weakling. Pounding steroids and building muscle does not make a strong or good king. An immature king is one who was not praised; he was not told he was a good boy.
The king in his fullness, in his glory, understands that he is not the center of the universe. He is called upon to use his power to encourage others to live their lives to their fullest potential. He blesses and empowers his ‘subjects.’
When a young man is stewarded toward his kingship through praise and recognition, he begins to understand the immense power that his masculinity offers. This is the “integrity” of which Jack Kornfield speaks.
“The word integrity is related to the roots of words like “integrate” and “entire.” In Spanish it is rendered “integro,” meaning whole. Integrity thus implies the state of being complete, undivided, intact, and unbroken. Integrity is really the bond that holds a man’s other virtues together; it is the mark of a man who has successfully integrated all good principles. His life is a unified whole.” –Art of Manliness
The young man who was never praised is “broken.” He has been robbed of his birthright by a man, or men, who are simply passing on a legacy of brokenness and hard-heartedness.
A “good” king will take pure delight in lifting up his subjects to “Where We Belong.”
Let’s get there together…knowing that “The road is long, there are mountains in our way.”